I would like to share something very close and personal with everyone. For some reason this morning, I was compelled to write this. Air it out, so to speak.
So I hope you never come to this. I hope you don’t hate your teenage daughter, or any of your children for that matter.
I sure dont.
Okay, on with the story…
My wife is away for the weekend at a women’s retreat in Palm Springs. My daughter Brittney and I have spent the last few days together. Last night, after I picked her up from a friends house and she seemed very inclined to chat.
Moreover, she felt very inclined to ask “life” questions and was actually willing to listen.
So we chatted. It was a nice conversation. I guess the conversation got my subconscious mind all fired up because when I woke up I felt a burning desire to share with her a message. I want to share it with you too.
Perhaps there is something in this message that will help you better communicate with your children. Maybe it will give you some peace of mind for the feelings you get when you think of how your parents “treated” you…
So here we go. I hope you enjoy this letter to my daughter Brittney (16)…
I want you to know that both your Mother and I love you very much. We want you to know that we completely understand what you are going through in your life at this current moment in time. We are not insensitive to your feelings and understand your need for freedom.
We are working very diligently to relate to you better and better ever day so that we can help guide you to make good decisions. Please know that, everything that we do is with your best interest in mind.
We are well aware of the fact that you may feel that you do not need us to “make decisions for you”. Please know that we are doing everything in our power to better equip you with the appropriate mindset, morals and self respect to make those right decisions for yourself.
Someday you will fully understand the difficulty in raising a young, beautiful, intelligent, healthy, self respectful, successful child. You will understand that human instinct and nature draws on you in certain ways just like a magnet…and there is a need for a certain level of “protection” against those thoughts, feelings and circumstances.
You may also realize that going on it all alone is a much more difficult and lonely path. I hope you choose not to journey this path.
You will understand that people of all ages, levels of education and success ALL need someone to guide them down the right path. You will come to see that anyone who has experienced any “success” in their life has had an influential parent, friend, mentor or coach who led them in the right direction (and always with certain guidelines or barriers).
Look at me, I still have coaches, mentors and role models…and you know very well that Granpa Lou and Grandma still provide me with guidance every chance they get.
You will realize that all of life’s successes are always preceded by some type of failure… Failure is not the end. Failure is feedback. Failure is a result. Failure is your guide. Learn from it and move on! Focus your attention then on the cause. Remember, “What now appears to be difficult, will someday by easy”.
You will realize that all of life’s mistakes have already been made by all those who have gone before you; like your parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, friends, etc…Despite your “internal voice” telling you that “nobody knows, feels or understands”…you will find that they do…
…and if you only open your eyes, ears, mind and heart to their heartfelt guidance and suggestions, you won’t have to make the same mistakes and your journey will be much more pleasant.
You will realize that actually ACTING on the sound advice that people give you will be of great benefit and may actually prove to be your best alibi and possibly the “shortcut” to your dreams.
So when people suggest that you develop your talents, search for your purpose, read a book, listen to life altering material (like 6 minutes to success), practice chastity, stay completely sober, associate with the appropriate friends, etc., stand back for a minute and ask yourself…
“Is this the right advice? Does it help or hinder? Is it leading in the right direction? Does it get me closer to what I TRULY WANT?”
Then…listen to your heart. Listen to your internal voice. It will guide you. It will move you in the right direction. All you have to do is listen…and then follow its lead. Make the decision!
I think that’s enough for an early Sunday morning…I trust that you will read this over an over until you understand and believe it. Please keep in mind that this letter will always remain fresh, as our feelings will never change for you, no matter what!
Consistently staying on the “right” will be “difficult”, but in the end you will be a much better person. Enjoy your journey!
I also shared with her a message from an unknown source that conveyed a similar and power message (I changed it up ever so slightly – Previously titled – “Mean Moms”)…
Someday when my children are old enough to understand the logic that motivates a parent, I will tell them, as my Mean Parents told me: I loved you enough . . . to ask where you were going, with whom, and what time you would be home.
I loved you enough to be silent and let you discover that your new best friend was a creep.
I loved you enough to stand over you for two hours while you cleaned your room, a job that should have taken 15 minutes. I loved you enough to let you see anger, disappointment, and tears in my eyes. Children must learn that their parents aren’t perfect.
I loved you enough to let you assume the responsibility for your actions even when the penalties were so harsh they almost broke my heart.
But most of all, I loved you enough . . . to say NO when I knew you would hate me for it.
Those were the most difficult battles of all. I’m glad I won them, because in the end you won, too. And someday when your children are old enough to understand the logic that motivates parents, you will tell them. we had to eat sandwiches. And you can guess our parents fixed us a dinner that was different from what other kids had, too.
Are your Parents mean? I know mine were. We had the meanest parents in the whole world! While other kids ate candy for breakfast, we had to have cereal, eggs, and toast. When others had a Pepsi and a Twinkie for lunch, we had to eat sandwiches. And you can guess our mother fixed us a dinner that was different from what other kids had, too.
My parents insisted on knowing where we were at all times. You’d think we were convicts in a prison. They had to know who our friends were, and what we were doing with them. They insisted that if we said we would be gone for an hour, we would be gone for an hour or less.
We were ashamed to admit it, but they had the nerve to break the Child Labor Laws by making us work. We had to wash the dishes, make the beds, learn to cook, vacuum the floor, do laundry, empty the trash and all sorts of cruel jobs. I think they would lie awake at night thinking of more things for us to do.
They always insisted on us telling the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. By the time we were teenagers, they could read our minds and had eyes in the back of her head then, life was really tough!
My Parents wouldn’t let our friends’ just honk the horn when they drove up. They had to come up to the door so they could meet them. While everyone else could date when they were 12 or 13, we had to wait until we were at least 16.
Because of our parents we missed out on lots of things other kids experienced. None of us have ever been caught shoplifting, vandalizing other’s property or ever arrested for any crime. It was all their fault.
Now that we have left home, we are all educated, honest adults. We are doing our best to be mean parents just like our Parents were.
I think that is what’s wrong with the world today
… not enough mean Parents!
Message from an unknown source