How My Battle with Low Self Esteem Can Help You with Yours

05 Oct

Self esteem is something that I’ve personally been working on for a long time.  I recognized a self image flaw in my personality some time ago that needed be addressed and changed.  I knew that in order to flourish as person, father, son, husband, brother, friend, I would need to rid myself of this undesirable flaw. 

Just yesterday, I listened to a segment on self esteem with Julia Espey and the world renowned Dr. Joe Rubino.  I was so moved by the interview that I wanted to quickly send out a message to share a personal story.  In addition, I want to highlight some of the major takeaways in developing a high self esteem and encourage you listen and perhaps enhance your life like it did. 

As I mentioned in the first sentence, self esteem has been a challenge of mine for some time.  Although many people have told me that I am outgoing, confident, have presence, am a social butterfly and other nice compliments, the truth is that I feel that I have been a timid and somewhat insecure person for almost all of my life. 

Until recently (after years of studying, talking, writing, soul searching, etc.), I never felt that anything was good enough, that my efforts were insignificant.  I was always seeking some kind of approval from family friends and acquaintances.  Truth be told, I never felt that I was good enough. 

I secretly masked my fears for years in the loud, outgoing and sometimes obnoxious person who many people came to know and love.  Living with this “paradox” of a personality since I was a child took a significant toll.  As a side “benefit” and in my futile attempts to calm the self esteem demon inside of me, I turned to alcohol for years. 

Most people only saw that happy drunk, the funny drunk, the entertaining drunk.  But deep down, in the pit of my soul suppressed by the façade and the alcohol was an angry, unhappy, empty, scared child hoping to be saved. 

I cried and cried for help in all of the wrong ways.  I turned to those closest to me for help…my parents, my sisters, my wife.  I wanted them to help.  I wanted them to make me feel better. 

Nobody could relate nor understand, especially since my cries came in fits of ruthless sarcasm, rage, indignation and drunken anger.  I turned everyone away and then blamed them because couldn’t see the helpless child screaming for help through all of the blinding “smoke”. 

As you can imagine, I drained all those around me and my relationships suffered.  I suffered. 

You know, its funny how things happen…I had told others hundreds of times before (as if I knew something)…”The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result…”  Yet here I was trying to gain support for my issues in the wrong way, over and over and over again. 

I finally heard my own message.  It was then that I realized that I needed to change my approach.  Ultimately, I realized that I needed to change. 

So I went on a trek, a mission, a soul search.  The result…after about 150 books, 50 seminars, traveling thousands of miles, watching and listening to hundreds of hours of video and audio programs, daily meditations, weekly mastermind calls, tens of thousands of dollars, and a whole bunch of other efforts, I finally “saw” the mess that I had made and realized that it all stemmed from my low self esteem.

Little by little, I started to change the image I had of myself.  I started to manage my thought patterns, my beliefs…I changed my behaviors.  Then, when I was able to feel a little bit better “in my own skin”, I made small efforts with others…first with my wife…then with my daughter…then my parents…then my sisters and on and on. 

The result?  A new and improved me…new and improved relationships, circumstances, results.  A new and improved life.  Peace and calm (most of the time). 

Yes, I will admit that there are still times where I feel empty, where I feel challenged, where I feel “not worthy”, but I know now how to limit those times and how to move beyond.

The way I see it, this self esteem stuff is an ongoing, never ending process.  There will always be challenges.  There will always be doubts.  Our task it to continue to push forward and become stronger step by step, each and every day. 

That’s the commitment I’ve made.  And I hope it’s the commitment you make as well.  That’s why I continue to listen to and share items such as this interview with Julia Espey and Dr. Rubino. 

I hope it enhances your life.  I hope it helps you realized that the answer to all of your “problems” lie within.  I hope it makes you feel better about yourself.  I hope you identify at least 1 thing that will improve your relationships, circumstances or current situation. 

Fortunately for you…it won’t require reading all the books, spending all the money on countless audio and video trainings, sacrificing all the time…as a matter of fact it won’t cost you anything but an open mind and about 40 minutes of your time. 

Once you take the time to listen to this interview, there is no doubt in my mind that you will have a map for self esteem success. 

If you’re curious what you will learn…here are a few things what you will find inside…

  • 3 Ways to Champion Self Esteem
  • The single most important driving force for attracting abundance into your life
  • The 3 things parents can do to promote a healthy self esteem for their children
  • The highly guarded secret to staying self-motivated.  Have this and you will create the actions that produce life changing results that you truly desire
  • The 5 Essential Components of Self Esteem
  • Identifying the destructive childhood experiences that shape the damaging experiences you have in your adult life…and how to stop them dead in their tracks 
  • How to lead your children even if you have your own self esteem issues
  • And much, much more…


I’m sure by now you are curious and want the link for where to find this interview.  First let me caution you.  The site this is posted on is called “Single Mom Talk Radio”.  Please do not be deterred if you are not a single mom. 

This interview is for EVERYONE!

Okay, with that being said, here you go…click on the link below to access the interview…

Self Esteem Interview with Julia Espey Dr. Joe Rubino



P.S.  If you are a single mom, or a parent looking for some answers to your parenting challenges, get two free chapters of Julia Espey’s best selling parenting book “If I Were Your Daddy

If I Were Your Daddy Book

P.P.S.  If you want to study further with Dr. Joe Rubino, you can check out his Ultimate Self Esteem Formula

P.P.P.S.  You can also see the impact a healthy self esteem has had on my own parenting life be reading this very emotional poem I wrote for my daughter Brittney.

By the way…just in case you are wondering, I am currently not in any type of financial relationship with Julia or Dr. Rubino so I do not receive any compensation for referring these resources.  I provide solely as a benefit and resource to you, my reader.

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Will American Diversity Fall Like the Twin Towers

12 Sep

This weekend marked the 10th anniversary of the September 11 attacks that astonished our nation and the world at large. The Twin Towers and the Pentagon, American symbols of freedom, power, triumph, success and financial wellbeing brought down before the entire world in an attempt to uncover American weakness and vulnerability.

Quite the contrary. Such as the bombing of Pearl Harbor that marked the “awakening of the beast”, so too did the terrorist attacks that brought together a nation to the never ending “We will never forget” campaign that for one special moment in time has made us all one…made us all the same…made us all (simply) Americans.

As I watched the television I couldn’t help but become overwhelmed with emotion (yet again) from the same images that I had probably seen a hundred times before. I couldn’t help to think…“this is something that we truly will never forget”. Although the images were from another space and time, they still felt as fresh and real as they did ten years ago. I felt as if my freedom as an American was (still) being threatened. Yet for some odd reason, I felt as if my Freedom as an American had never been stronger.

On that momentous day, and for some time after, there was a peace in America…amongst Americans. There were no racial lines, no color barriers, no socio-economic differences, there were no political divides. There was only the spirit and fiber of what created this great Nation over 200 years ago. There was only Unity.

Is American Unity Dead?

 As I reflected, I began to question where this sense of unity had gone. Although it was great to see my countrymen working side by side in peaceful harmony, I was saddened that it had to take something so severe for us to come together.

I began to think of other important historical events that have helped shape our country; other important events that have brought us together. What else should I “never forget”? What else should I be grateful for? What other symbols do we (Americans) stand for?

So many great things came to mind…democracy, free enterprise, speech, religion, Diversity…and many others.

As I sat there and watched vivid pictures of our nation under attack, it brought to mind that many of our other American Freedoms are vulnerable to attack.

Diversity Under Attack

One of the primary symbols I see under attack almost every day is Diversity. As strange as it may be, especially for a country that was founded on the principles of human rights that promote and protect Diversity, still today we have great challenges in this arena. As I reflected I couldn’t help to ask the question…“Is American Diversity Vulnerable to Attack?”

Do injustices still exist for Latinos, African Americans, Asians, Disabled Persons, Gays, Lesbians, Transgenders and others?

I believe the answer is “Yes”.

Even with an African-American President, a Hispanic/Latina Chief Justice, Gay Congressmen, Countless Latino CEO’s and business people, and so many others there still seem to be so many social injustices.

We don’t need to look far. Just turn on the television set and you will see pictures all over the news. Entire states like Arizona and Texas seem to be candidly open opponents to diversity, entire school systems in shambles, homosexuals being prohibited from being legally joined, and on and on…

After so many years of civil rights, equal rights, integration, lawmaking, movements, marches, and on and on I can’t help but wonder “Why?”

As I continue to ponder, another more terrifying question arises in my mind…“Will American Diversity Fall Like the Twin Towers?”

My take…

Diversity Will Always Prevail!

If history serves as our guide, we all know that the answer is a resounding “NO”! Somehow or another, we (Americans) always end up doing the right thing. Truth overcomes and the American spirit always prevails.

With the great support of Great Americans and Great American Institutions who continue to promote and uphold our great diverse way of life, there is not a doubt that Diversity will continue to prevail!

While differences will always exists and challenges always arise, our people, our Freedom our Country, our Diversity will always stand for Truth and Justice.

The Great Promise of Freedom…AND Diversity

Written in 1883 and mounted on a plaque on the Statue of Liberty are the following words…“Give me your tired, your poor, Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free, The wretched refuse of your teeming shore, Send these, the homeless, tempest-tossed to me, I lift my lamp beside the golden door!”

In my opinion there is no greater promise, no bolder statement, and no clearer Diverse truth than this.

Lady Liberty…there she stands, for all to see, with her one great promise…DIVERSITY!

What do you think? Will American Diversity Founder? Please leave a comment and let me know your thoughts.

Have a great, diverse day!

Thank you.

Andrew Ramirez.

P.S. Speaking of Diversity…did you know that Hispanic Heritage Month runs from September 15-October 15? Happy Margaritas!

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Are You Libya or Loveable?

29 Mar

Click the play button above to listen or continue below to read…

You can’t turn on the television today or look at the newspaper without seeing the headlines on the war in Libya.  A country in turmoil, turned against itself.  Countless people suffering a terrible yet avoidable fate.

How did it get to this?  Why does a country turn on itself and others in such a way that it positions its own people as well as the entire world against it?

How did we come to this state of war or “State of Hate” of “Unlove”?  More importantly, how do we restore peace or “A State of Love”?

Perhaps the answer is by starting with restoring peace one person at a time; by becoming loveable.

There is a problem though.  In our society today we have developed a stigma about truly being loveable.  We have (consciously or unconsciously) created boundaries and barriers that protect us from external factors that may hurt us emotionally, thus disconnecting us from the possibility of being truly loveable.

My seventeen year old daughter recently returned from a retreat.  When she returned she was wearing a button that read “I am Loveable”.

I thought it was perfect timing as well as cool.  So I asked her, “What does it mean to be loveable?”  She answered, “It is the ability to love and be loved.”  A great answer indeed… as well as a missing ingredient in our society today.

As I began to ponder this statement, I couldn’t help but ask myself “Am I Loveable?”

I urge you to ask yourself the same question.

Well, are you?

You see, there are many times in our lives where we encounter negative emotional experiences.  From the time we are children all the way through our adult years people let us down, hurt our feelings, make us feel unimportant, etc…

Have you ever been let down, hurt, been made to feel unimportant?  Take a minute to think about what it FEELS like to be emotionally scarred, hurt, betrayed, let down, etc.  Perhaps by an uncaring parent, an unfaithful companion, a backstabbing friend…

Most people would say that “it sucks…it’s the worst feeling ever…that they never want to feel like that ever again.”

I agree, and I think perhaps you do to.  So what is the general result, or our reaction to an emotional let down?  We tend to start building walls around ourselves.  Walls for what?  Walls to protect us from ever feeling that same emotional pain again.

A basic human instinct and drive for life is the increase of pleasure and decrease of pain.  This is what motivates humans.  As a result, we do anything in our power to protect ourselves from feeling pain, ultimately from being vulnerable to its immense power.

Little by little, from childhood all the way through adolescence, with each let down, with each disappointment, with each heartbreak, with each betrayal we tell ourselves… “I’ll never let that happen again”…”Nobody is ever going to hurt me like that again”…“How could I have been so dumb.”

Little by little we build new walls one by one with each occurrence until ultimately we end up with so many protective walls that our once loveable self is now completely governed by walls and protective “rules”.

We become our own medieval castle, complete with moat, archers, cannons etc…

Two dynamics occur.  One, we become impenetrable from the outside, and two we secure ourselves in.

Securing yourself in while apparently safe, presents its own set of problems.  Have you ever told yourself before, “I don’t need anyone, I can do this on my own” or perhaps “The only person I can count on is me.”  You know what I’m talking about.

This can be a very dangerous place.

Now ask yourself these questions…

Have you ever let yourself down?

Have you hurt yourself?

Have you every broken your own promises or agreements?

Who is your worst critic?

Yeah, that’s what I thought.

Understand that once you’ve protected yourself from the outside, from others, you ultimately have only yourself to rely on.  Unfortunately, you may find that relationship somewhat unfulfilling as well.

A double edged sword!  Protected and secure from the outside, but locked and abandoned on the inside.  What a mess.

So what do we do?  How do we open up and still protect ourselves from being emotionally scarred?

Unfortunately I don’t think that we can.  Everything is subject to the law of opposites.  You can’t have one without the other.    I’ve come to the conclusion that you must take the good with the bad.

So here’s a little step-by-step I came up with to help myself along the way…perhaps it will serve you along the way in your soul search…

  1. First consciously call this idea of “protecting yourself” to mind and accept it for what it is.  Don’t judge yourself or others.
  2. Identify if and how you have protected yourself…and from what.
  3. Identify, in addition to the bad, what good you have blocked out in the process of protecting yourself.  (Is it true love, trust, friendship, etc…)
  4. Decide whether or not you are willing to open up again and be vulnerable or pay the ultimate price/sacrifice of protecting yourself and not allowing great things to enter your life.
  5. Make a firm decision on what you really want and move on!  (Don’t waver!)

In order to be truly loveable, you must be vulnerable.  So you will ultimately have to make the decision.  You will have to weigh the “risk/reward” quotient for either decision.

Are you willing to give up on love, trust and friendship so you never have a negative experience again?

Or are you willing to let in all the good, knowing that you might, yet again, find yourself in an unfortunate emotional circumstance?

The decision is only yours to make.  And from personal experience with both, I think you will find option two much more rewarding.

Don’t suffer the same fate (on a personal level) as Libya.  Be loveable.

Simply ask yourself…Am I willing to be loved again?  Am I willing to trust again?

Ultimately ask…Am I willing to be loveable again?

Have a loveable day!


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Uncover Your Hidden Power Within

25 Jan

Please click on the play symbol above to listen or continue to read…

Stories can be powerful tools that assist us in times of decision, change or apparent struggle.  I came across such a story that completely changed my outlook on things.  Rather, it helped me refocus.  I’d like to share that short story with you so that perhaps you too can gain further clarity for your journey and perhaps even a new sense of direction.

The Stone Cutter- A Chinese Fable

There was once a stone cutter who was dissatisfied with himself and with his position in life.

One day he passed a wealthy merchant’s house. Through the open gateway, he saw many fine possessions and important visitors. “How powerful that merchant must be!” thought the stone cutter. He became very envious and wished that he could be like the merchant.

To his great surprise, he suddenly became the merchant, enjoying more luxuries and power than he had ever imagined, but envied and detested by those less wealthy than himself. Soon a high official passed by, carried in a sedan chair, accompanied by attendants and escorted by soldiers beating gongs. Everyone, no matter how wealthy, had to bow low before the procession. “How powerful that official is!” he thought. “I wish that I could be a high official!”

Then he became the high official, carried everywhere in his embroidered sedan chair, feared and hated by the people all around. It was a hot summer day, so the official felt very uncomfortable in the sticky sedan chair. He looked up at the sun. It shone proudly in the sky, unaffected by his presence. “How powerful the sun is!” he thought. “I wish that I could be the sun!”

Then he became the sun, shining fiercely down on everyone, scorching the fields, cursed by the farmers and laborers. But a huge black cloud moved between him and the earth, so that his light could no longer shine on everything below. “How powerful that storm cloud is!” he thought. “I wish that I could be a cloud!”

Then he became the cloud, flooding the fields and villages, shouted at by everyone. But soon he found that he was being pushed away by some great force, and realized that it was the wind. “How powerful it is!” he thought. “I wish that I could be the wind!”

Then he became the wind, blowing tiles off the roofs of houses, uprooting trees, feared and hated by all below him. But after a while, he ran up against something that would not move, no matter how forcefully he blew against it – a huge, towering rock. “How powerful that rock is!” he thought. “I wish that I could be a rock!”

Then he became the rock, more powerful than anything else on earth. But as he stood there, he heard the sound of a hammer pounding a chisel into the hard surface, and felt himself being changed. “What could be more powerful than I, the rock?” he thought.

He looked down and saw far below him the figure of a stone cutter.

-Author Unknown

As we venture into this new year, with resolutions upon us, let us look to our own hearts for answers.  For inside lies the answer to all of our questions.  Let us be fully present in the moment and see ourselves for who we truly are.  Inside of each of us lies a robust power.  Harness your power!  Make the change that you want to see in the world; the change you want to see in your life.

Have a wonderful day!


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The Greatest Lesson of Thanksgiving

25 Nov

Please click on the play symbol above to listen or continue to read…

Thanksgiving is a special day.  For many it is a time to reflect on all of the good that has come into their life.  When I think of Thanksgiving, I think of family, friends, health, food, career and many other things.  I also think of all of the brave men and women who are away from their families on the front lines defending our freedom.

I encourage everyone to really give some thought to the meaning of today.  Absorb it.  Reflect.  Really think about everything in your life and not the other way around.    I also encourage you to take this spirit of thanks forward and apply it as a daily routine.

The Power of Giving Thanks

Each and every day we choose what attitude or vibration we are going to bring to our life.  Many fail to realize the power of an “attitude of gratitude”.  While in a state of gratitude, we send out the “frequency” that there is abundance in our life and allow the floodgates of health, wealth and abundance to open and flow in your direction.

When we operate in a state of lack, we apply resistance and friction.  Both friction and resistance create decay and disintegration.  This decay comes in many forms such as stress, anger, excessive drinking and many others.

The Dangers of Lack and Limitation

Throughout the year and even perhaps even today, you might complain or hear someone complain about things that are missing in their life.  Perhaps you or someone you know isn’t grateful for all they have in their life.

By operating from a state of lack, we are broadcasting to the universe that we are missing something and we close off the gates of abundance.  The reason this is so is because by focusing on the lack and limitation of our “unfavorable” state, we can only direct our attention to the things that we don’t want in your life.

Think about it for a minute.  What types of thoughts accompany the following…

  • My relationship sucks
  • I hate my job
  • I’m fat
  • I’m broke
  • I don’t make enough money
  • I hate these bills
  • Why are they so lucky all the time?
  • And many others…

None of these thoughts can promote a state of mind conducive to creating an attitude of gratitude.

Turning the Tide to a Positive State of Mind

You see, your state of mind dictates all that flows into your life.  By being ungrateful, or by not giving thanks for what we already have, we focus on these negative items.  By focusing on the negative, our mental state remains in lack and limitation, thus crowding our entire being with an unfavorable vibration or disposition.

I’m sure you remember from elementary that “every action has an equal and opposite reaction”.  If you are perpetually in a state of lack and limitation (your action), what reaction can you expect?

So the answer is simple.  Find the good in every situation or circumstance.  Focus your attention on the positive aspects.  Even when it seems that there is no upside.

The Secret to Magnetizing Future Abundance

Also, while many of us give thanks for all that we already have, there is another, equally and perhaps more powerful application of thanks that will increase the flow of good into your life.

Be grateful for all that you are going to receive in your life.  Many “new age” teachings illustrate how providing thanks for “things to come” increases resonant vibration as well as attraction.  What does this mean?

Simply put, this means that by being thankful for future good, we increase the rate in which we receive that which we desire.  While this subject may seem confusing and somewhat esoteric, it’s a basic principle of the mind that is unknown and misunderstood.

You see, your subconscious cannot differentiate between what is real and what is not real.  By giving thanks for the things as if already attained, we cause our self serving mechanism to “search and attain” our desires.  Increase the thanks, and you increase the speed of your receipt.

Confused?  Keep this in mind, we don’t really know how electricity works either, but if we turn on the switch we know that the light will turn on.  So don’t worry about questioning the what or how of what was just discussed… just do it!

Happy Thanksgiving!

So whether today and going forward you are thankful for things already in your possession or for future things to come, remember that the key is to be thankful.

Be grateful for everything and you will see marvelous changes in your life.

I wish you and your family a Happy Thanksgiving!  May all good fortune come to you and your future generations to come.

Andrew Ramirez

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